It’s the Fatherless Behavior Father’s Day Sale! (30% OFF!!! THAT’S LITERALLY ONLY $3.50!!)

This is my Happy Honda Days.

I showed this photo to my best friend and she said, “You look like you might know you’re a baby.” (I’m the baby pictured, in case that wasn’t clear.) Everyone always says I look like my mom, but when I look in the mirror I see Dad every time. Meanwhile, my sister looks high as hell. I’ll have what she’s having.

Hello and Happy Father’s Day weekend to all of you, my fearlessly Fatherless friends. In honor of this special occasion, Fatherless Behavior subscriptions are currently 30% off for the next week! This means that monthly subscriptions are only $3.50 and annual subscriptions are only $30.50!

If you like me and/or my writing but have previously found yourself thinking, “Hmm, this stuff’s alright, but do I really want to pay five whole dollars to read???” I totally hear you! This is your big chance to only pay three whole dollars (and also half of a dollar) to read. And if you’re still thinking, “Idk, that seems a little steep,” here is a non-exhaustive list of much dumber stuff you’ve probably spent $3.50 on in the past month:

• That random charge from Apple that auto debits from your account every month or so despite you having no recollection of signing up for auto debit nor any knowledge of what this charge is actually for. Apple really does not make it clear. But every month you get the notification and you’re like, “Wait, what is that for again?” And then there’s actually no answer, because Apple has no intention of telling you what it’s for. But you’re just like, “Whatever, it’s only, like, $3.” And then you don’t think about it again until next month. That’s a way worse way to spend $3.

• Literally one subway ride. Okay, not literally, but basically. One subway ride currently costs $2.90. And if you take the subway to get to a place and have literally any intention of later getting back on the subway to go back from whence you came, we’re now talking $5.80. I’m not great at math, but even I know that is definitely more than a $3.50 subscription to Fatherless Behavior. Plus, in the post-MetroCard era, the MTA is definitely stealing from us. I know this because I will sometimes wake up to notifications alerting me to random $2.90 MTA charges that supposedly occurred at, like, 4 a.m. when I was, in fact, not on a train because I was asleep. The MTA is stealing from you. Fatherless Behavior will never steal from you.

• A tip on a Seamless order that you already felt guilty about spending money on. But you already feel guilty enough about wasting money on this takeout you definitely don’t need, so you’re not gonna compound that guilt with the guilt of not tipping your delivery person. Like, seriously? You’re gonna pretend you can’t afford a $3 tip when you’re already dropping $50 on takeout you barely even want when you actually already have a fridge full of groceries? Also, it’s 3 a.m. and you’re wasted. Meanwhile, the reality is you probably can’t afford either the takeout or the tip. But you’re going to spend that money anyway. So why not also spend $3.50 on Fatherless Behavior?

• Half of an iced coffee. You barely even like coffee and it’s bad for your anxiety. So to avoid having a panic attack at work, you drink it so slowly that the ice melts before you’ve even finished half of it and then it’s all gross and watered down and you don’t even want the rest of it. So really you’re spending $7 to drink a quarter of an iced coffee. Meanwhile, you could be spending $3.50 to read the entirety of Fatherless Behavior!

• A friend of a friend’s Go Fund Me that you felt obligated to donate to. It made you feel soooo good for approximately 30 seconds though. You’re such a good person.

• A small fraction of your monthly student loan payment and an infinitesimal percentage of your total student loan debt. $3.50 is approximately 0.3% of my monthly student loan payment and 0.003574142857% of my total student loan debt. Wait, you don’t have student loan debt? Oh, okay. I can see how $3.50 per month sounds like a lot then.

Happy Father’s Day!

Xx

KK

P.S. If you’re already a paid subscriber (thank you, I love you) or can’t spend the money but would still like to support, please consider sending this to someone who might be willing to pay to subscribe (or someone who may be willing to pay for your subscription so you don’t have to! We love a wealthy benefactor!).